"it" just moved
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
