So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
