Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
