Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
