goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
