Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
