I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
