I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
