just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
