Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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