My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
