I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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