$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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