I'm gonna have a badass scar
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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