He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
