Im at strip club and am horny
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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