Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
