I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
