Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Michael Bay diarrhea
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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