i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
