OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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