I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
