I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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