The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
