I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
