I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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