Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
