If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
