Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
