I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
