ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
