I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
