Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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