if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
