I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
