We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
