Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
