If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
