Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
