there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
