apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
