I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We left the knife in your bed.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
