i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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