can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
