I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
