fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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