Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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