You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
