Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He shit in the fireplace
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
