Michael Bay diarrhea
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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