Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
