hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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