Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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