ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The power of my boobs compel you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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