I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
