you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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