I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
